my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The feeling are messing with the penis
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
