we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
