that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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