John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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