Have you finally orgasmed yet?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
