If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
