Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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