i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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