just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
