My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
