I accidentally burped into my bong.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
