The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Say something about gay babies.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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