Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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