Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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