Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My penis needs a shock collar
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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