so let's talk penis.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
