Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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