you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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