i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
