what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
