Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
