soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
