I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
