Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
