Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
