Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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