I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
try to milk me bitch
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
