would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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