I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
you never un-have a 4some
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
