I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
