he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
