Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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