I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
