I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Randomize
