My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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