Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
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