My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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