whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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