The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
