Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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