God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
