Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
