Can i not drive my cunt home
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
