his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
