To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
