That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Found your dick twin last night
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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