So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
