1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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