You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
