I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
