I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
