i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
