I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
