I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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