Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
