Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
