if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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