My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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