Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
