Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I understand Curling. That high.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just want nice things and good sex
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
