dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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