She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
