I just pynch a tree in the face
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
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When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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