Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
