I must be too annoying 4 u.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
