they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
