i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
