Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
