My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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