I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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