before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
