Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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