Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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