We're like a lot better than the average bears
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
