I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You made out with two different species that night
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
